Let Go of Anger Toward Ex-Lovers and Family

"Let go of anger toward ex-lovers and family. We all deserve happiness and love; just because it is over doesn't mean the love was wrong."

Today's suggestion is a weighty one that really involves three distinct subjects:

Anger

Family

Exes

Anger is one of those emotions that can smolder and then erupt when you least expect it. One of my favorite quotes is from Buddha:

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

The best way to deal with anger is to journal. Just write and write and write and get it all out. You can say ANYTHING on paper. Then, burn it. Some people recommend that you write a letter to the offending party and then burn it. Something about putting pen to paper is very cathartic and cleansing.

Yes, we often have grudges against family members. Grudges that aren't dealt with often turn to anger. Sometimes, the issues are years and years in the past and it really wouldn't be helpful to bring it up in the present. That's when writing a letter, discussing the situation with a trusted friend to gain closure or doing some forgiveness work around the situation. Doing any one of these processes is like letting a pressure valve open and seeing the issue dissipate!

Another exercise that I find helpful is journaling all of the good memories around a person. I did this regarding my childhood and made a list of the gifts I received from my parents and was amazed when I filled up 4 pages of a yellow tablet. Often, we have to clear the anger and the bad memories, to allow the good ones to surface! (By gifts, I am referring to things like: taught me to read at a young age, taught me a strong work ethic, taught me how to sew, etc.

This is also good to do with Exes. I remember that my Ex-husband once asked me, "Weren't there any GOOD memories?" Of course, I had to answer that there were! I was just too angry and hurt to see them in that moment. Especially if you share children with an Ex, it's a good idea to make a list of the gifts from that relationship, the happy memories and the wonderful things you shared with your Ex. It just puts things in proper perspective! It also becomes part of the grief work that you do, before entering a new love relationship.

So, let go of anger and claim your JOY!