50 Lessons Life Taught Me - Regina Brett's List

I love lists. That is, lists that inspire me or encourage me in some way. When I read about Regina Brett’s 50 Lessons Life Taught Me, I knew that I had to take a look. It’s a great list that inspires me and confirms many truths that I’ve come to know, as well. I’ll list one per day and write a little about what it means to me. Feel free to comment, if I strike a chord in you or you want to add to my writing.

#1 Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

This one bugged me when I first read it. I once had a counselor who told me that anytime you use the word “but” in a sentence, you negate the truth of everything you said BEFORE the “but.”

An example would be a cheating spouse, who says, “I love you, but, I have my own needs.” The spouse has his own needs AND he doesn’t love her. Probably doesn’t even love himself, but that’s for another day and another blog!

So, if you go with the idea shared by my counselor, she is really saying that Life IS Fair and Good. I truly believe this. Many times, we get so caught up in our own “pity party” that we miss the beautiful life that surrounds us. We miss the blessings in people, opportunities and situations in our lives.

I also believe that we have a Soul Contract, an agreement that we make before we are born, in which we set out certain lessons we want to learn. We also have karma to work out, a kind of balancing of “you did this to me” and “I’ll do this to you” here in Earth School.

Now, someone is going to present the idea of a child with a horrific disease or disfiguring accident and ask, “How is that fair?” Well, what if that Soul planned that life path, to learn specific lessons here in Earth School? If that was the plan, then the details ARE fair and are just what he/she ordered!

Another idea that some people don’t remember is that I have my Soul Contract and you have yours. I have my lessons and you have your lessons, as well. It’s a very complicated matrix of all of those contracts and plans and detours. Just watch “The Adjustment Bureau” for a small glimpse of how this works and how things can change, when we make one small variation.

When you agree with the idea of Soul Contracts, you begin to see that Life IS Fair. The cosmic forces (God, The Universe or whatever you choose to call the Great All That Is) are always engaged behind the scenes to work things out. I believe that things are always working for your highest good. So, to me, life is fair, because it is a representation of what I set out in my life plan before I came down here.

Want to read more about this idea? You’ll enjoy Robert Schwartz’s book “Your Soul’s Plan.”

Messages From Spirt

Twice a month, Steve and I hold "Messages from Spirit," a small group gathering, where we give messages to 8 people. Steve connects with your loved ones and friends on the other side and I connect with your angels and guides. I record what I receive and give the message to each person. Also, I record one or two sentences from each reading to share later or use to encourage myself. Here's what I have to share from Tuesday, March 24:

1. Heaven is waiting to open to you. Blessings are coming.

2. Love yourself and take better care of you today for a sweeter tomorrow.

3. It is time for you to make a clean slate for your future.

4. Just ask for guidance and record what you hear or feel. Honor these messages and live in peace. (This girl also got: “The angels and fairies are all around you.” She cried and asked me if that was a common message. I don’t think I’ve ever received a reference to fairies in this setting. And only rarely in one-on-one readings.)

5. Meditation might help you center and find peace.

6. You can also eat blueberries and sing to help clear your throat chakra.

7. Let the good times roll and connect with old friends to re-establish bonds from the past.

8. There is a place in nature that you love to just sit and center yourself. This is so good for your Soul. Record these sweet escapes in your heart and you can close your eyes and take yourself there in times of stress or chaos.

Beautiful messages for beautiful Soul Companions!

Lessons From Stevie Wonder

A few years ago, our daughter invited us to join her for a concert with Stevie Wonder. Steve was so jazzed, as he’s followed the prolific musician and humanitarian since he was in high school. (And who doesn’t love a 25X Grammy Winner from our generation?)

Although I’ve seen him on TV countless times, this was my first concert with Stevie. I was impressed by his demeanor, his gentleness, his mastery and his sense of humor.

It was evident that everything is well planned and rehearsed, including his daughter bringing him to the stage. However, once he is on stage, he sits down at one keyboard, then shifts over to a baby grand piano, picking up a harmonica or two along the way. He even stood once and sang a song and then settled back down at the keyboard. All of these movements was without help of any kind.

The four harmonicas and an extra microphone were on top of the baby grand piano, laying on some textured, non-slip material (kind of like what I have in my kitchen cabinets) At one point, he reached for a harmonica, touching it and then putting it back and taking the one next to it. When he blew into it, he
made a funny face, put it back and then picked up the one he had passed on, just seconds earlier. He blew into it and then threw his head back and laughed at himself.

I LOVE how he is able to laugh and just go with the flow! There were a few more times where he laughed at himself or made a joke about “the blind man up here.”

Think about it: blind within a few weeks of birth, shuffled from his original home at the age of four to Detroit, one of six children raised by a single mom in the 50’s and 60’s. Yet, he began playing piano, harmonica and drums at an early age and won his first Grammy at age 13!

He said this about himself:

“Sometimes I feel really blessed to be blind because I probably would not last a minute if I were able to see things.”

Yes, he is a gentle soul. Yet, my favorite attribute is his ability to NOT take himself so seriously, to laugh at himself and to smile and have a great time on stage . . . and in life!

So, the next time, I drop something or take a mis-step, I’m going to laugh at myself and think of Stevie Wonder.

It’s all good . . .

Healing Myself, So I can Enjoy Healthy Love Relationships

I’ve been taking a daily class through Daily Om that is called “Intimacy without Responsibility.” It’s a 49 day class and interestingly enough, the creator of the course says that it takes about 7 weeks to change a habit. (7 X 7 . . . )

She is really challenging us to look at our relationships, specifically our Primary love relationship and look for ways where we manipulate, control, wheedle, cajole or use tricks and traits we learned in childhood to get our needs met. (Or not, if you are on the Martyr track…)

It’s been an interesting 7 weeks! I am almost finished with the coursework and can see that I have opened a door to a new way of thinking, living and BE-ing in the world of relationships.

I began this class before the Value beta test that I started about 4 weeks ago and see now how perfectly these two blend together, to accelerate changes in the way I think, believe and heal myself.

One example? I came down with a cold this last weekend and it was MUCH easier to ask Steve for help and support! I didn’t hesitate. My self-care has also been better. I cancelled a client on Saturday, when I came down with the cold. The “old me” would have “soldiered-on,” and been resentful in the process.

Rather, I wrote the client and rescheduled. And, when three more prospective clients contacted me during my down time, I resisted the urge to respond right away. Yesterday, when I felt better (a full 3 days after becoming dis-eased) I contacted the people and let them know my status. All understood, of course!

As I love myself and show better self-love and self-care, I can also learn to love you in a new way: one that allows for true intimacy, without the responsibility for fixing or changing you or meeting your emotional needs.

Is It Really True?

I am participating in a beta test for a new energy healing modality that is helping us retrain our brains to live more from a place of compassion and kindness, rather than from old hurts. We are halfway through the 6 week process.

One day, I felt as if I had “hit the wall,” and was really wallowing in some pain regarding a family member. I had used the process a number of times and was still hurting. As I left the office for lunch, I was reminded of Byron Katie’s work and asked myself: “Is it really true?”

I was just wallowing in something a family member had said and took it to mean that she really meant to say something else and that she has always felt that way about me and on and on and on.
At that point, I just stopped and asked myself: Is it true that I know that she means what I am inferring?

NO.

At that, my feelings subsided quickly and I could feel myself calming down.

WOW! All I had to do was ask a simple question: “Is it true?”

More later on this amazing process. I’ll be able to share with clients and students within the next year!

Messages From Your Angels

Once or twice a month, Steve and I hold “Messages from Spirit.” He connects with your loved ones and friends in Spirit and gives evidence and messages. I connect with your angels and guides and write down 3 to 5 sentences of encouragement or guidance for each of the 8 people in attendance. Then, I give a sheet of paper with the personal words of wisdom to each person.

A few months ago, my guides suggested that I take one or two sentences from each reading and record those on a separate sheet of paper and share those on my Blog or Facebook. It didn’t take long for me to see that some of the words are intended as messages for me!

Here are the special messages from the Angels who spoke at last night’s event:

1. No worries! You can’t get this wrong. There are no mistakes, just chances to explore and go on an adventure.
2. Be gentle with yourself, as you heal and grow.
3. Meditate for even 5 minutes a day, to center yourself and find peace. Give yourself the gift of time alone to commune with your Higher Self.
4. Let your life be sweet; it is! Enjoy the night.
5. The morning is a key time for you to talk with your angels and Higher Self.
6. Your love of the water is good for your Soul.
7. Just minor changes in what you eat and drink will give you more energy and happiness.
8. Show your appreciation to people you love.

If something resonates for you, take it. Your Angels love to share wisdom and will use any channel available to do so!

The Difference Between Shame and Guilt

I’m participating in a beta testing group for a new protocol for changing my self talk and resulting actions by reintroducing myself to my core values. Over time, I am creating new neural pathways in my brain, changing what was my “toddler brain” to a more mature, healthy brain. I’ll then be more able to respond to my environment and make better choices, rather than simply reacting.

One of the “self talk” aspects that I am dealing with concerns “shame” and “guilt.” I’d like to make a distinction here about these two concepts.

One of my favorite authors, Dr. Brené Brown, has spoken extensively about shame, exploring its harmful effects and sharing the best ways to combat it. Dr. Brown says that one simple way to "unpack" it is by understanding the crucial difference between shame and its sister: guilt.

In one "Super Soul Sunday," Dr. Brown said that it all comes down to your "self talk," or inner dialogue. "The difference between shame and guilt is the difference between 'I am bad' and 'I did something bad,'" she told Oprah.

For example, Dr. Brown says, imagine that you had too much to drink one night and showed up to work hung over, missing a meeting. Someone experiencing guilt will say to themselves, "That was a really stupid thing to do. I wasn't thinking."

In contrast, someone experiencing shame will say, "I'm an idiot. I'm such a loser." In other words, guilt focuses on behavior while shame focuses on self.
This distinction is so serious, in fact, that she reveals an alarming piece of information about shame's effects. "This is going to freak you out," she tells Oprah. "Shame [is] highly correlated with addiction, depression, eating disorders, violence, bullying and aggression. Guilt? Inversely correlated with those."
Therefore, the ability to change the self-talk -- and believe it -- can dramatically affect positive outcomes.

Dr. Brown shares her method for moving toward having a healthier internal dialogue. "I talk to myself like I would talk to Ellen or Charlie, my kids," she says. "The first thing I try to say is, 'You made a mistake. You're human. You're okay. I love you. You're going to get through this.' But the big piece is -- and this is a hard one – you've got to reach out and tell your story. You've got to speak your shame."

That’s why I always encourage clients and students to have a buddy, what I call an accountability partner. This person is your BFF or someone with whom you can be brutally honest about your shame. As Dr. Brown relates, there’s something very healing about sharing something so personal with someone you can trust.

I also want to draw your attention to her comment, "I talk to myself like I would talk to my kids." This presupposes that you talk to your children in a loving way! Some of us were parented by people who practiced the "spare the rod and spoil the child" philosophy. Many times, they used shame to discipline or punish us, trying to shame us into good behavior. As Dr. Brown shares, this never works. So, I'm learned to talk to myself in a more loving way. I hope that I used these same skills with my daughters. I know that I am more conscious about how I speak to my granddaughters!

Stay tuned to more information on the new protocol I am learning. In a few months, I'll be able to share it with my clients and students!