I Met My Granddaughter Yesterday . . .

Avery, shortly after her birth . . .

Yesterday, I got to meet my granddaughter, Avery, and she isn’t even born yet! But I digress. Let me tell you about the day I learned that she was coming to come into the world: My daughter, Sara and her boyfriend, Ryan called and asked me to go to lunch, back in September.As soon as they sat down in the booth, Sara exclaimed, “Mom, we have some news. We’re expecting! You’re going to be a Grandmother!” I clapped and clapped and smiled and went, “Oh my goodness! How exciting!” And so, the adventure began. 

Over the next few months, we saw Sara’s little belly grow and began hearing the stories about the little angel inside. The baby was very active, almost from the beginning. Then, in January, we found out that the baby is a girl! Wow! A new baby and she’s a girl! Her name will beAvery Catherine Bench! Each month, Sara and Ryan were able to see her on sonograms and see her heart beating and her little fists and toes. Last weekend, Sara called and was upset about some thumping she was feeling. Hiccups, I told her. She is just having the hiccups! She wakes Sara up really early each day. Sara has turned into a morning person, after being a Night Owl for most of her life. Sara also eats everything in site and has to eat often. She says: the baby is hungry, a lot! 

Then, yesterday, I was invited to go for a 4D sonogram. This is kind of a new technology and my sister told me: It’s like pushing the oven light and looking in the window. You can see what’s cooking without opening the door. And she was so right! The Doctor used a sonogram wand and had a screen with two images. One was the fanshaped sonogram image, which is gray and black. The other one was a square-shaped peachy-golden colored window. At first, it looked like little bundles of stuff in different shapes. Then, as the Doctor waved the wand over and around, the bundles and blobs took shape and we began to see her face, hands and feet! Her head was so beautiful! Shaped like Sara’s and I could see Sara’s nose and cheeks. Later the Doctor said that she would most likely have Sara’s eye shape. She even opened her mouth once. She pulled her little hands up to her face and Ryan counted her fingers. All there! Then, she pulled up her feet and the Doctor was able to put the wand just right and clicked and got a picture of the feet. Yes, all ten toes, too! 

The Doctor took some measurements and when he added them all up announced that she weighs about 4 pounds. He estimates she will weigh 7 or 7.5 pounds at full term. Then, it was as if she said, “OK, folks, show’s over,” because she curled up and we couldn’t see her face. The Doctor tried moving the wand and pressing on Sara’s belly, but she was finished with the show for the day! 

Through it all, I was aware of what a mystery this all still is: the mystery of life and how it begins and forms and how one day very soon, she will pop out into the world. Yes, we know how it all happens, but isn't it all so magical! It is truly magical!

The Divine Feminine

On Saturday, I hosted author Julie Loar, who wrote a wonderful book called "Goddesses for Everyday: Exploring the Wisdom and Power of the Divine Feminine around the World. She presented a lovely workshop that chronicled the history, mythology and culture of women. We traced the footsteps through time, beginning with 70,000 years ago! Yikes! Did you know that the earliest representations of the human form are female? Julie did years of research and worked in a very intuitive style to create a calendar of 366 Goddesses from every culture, religion and myth. We went over some of the goddesses and did a meditation to meet one of our own! Then, we each shared the goddess who stands for her birthday. The wise women in attendance added so much to the workshop, sharing intimate musings and perspectives that were thought provoking and wonderful. Julie was so full of grace, elegance and charm. We want her to come back! About 8 of us took the discussion on to a quick dinner at La Madeleine and continued this special time. We met new friends and were reaquainted with old ones. I was particularly struck by the wide range of ages in the room. The oldest woman was 78 and the youngest I would guess was about 25. The rest of us filled in the range. It was amazing how similar our questions were and how similar our interests are. I have always loved being a woman. This group is just one reason why I feel this way.

Love Can Heal

“Know that truth, forgiveness, and love can heal the world. Imagine if all of us could be truthful with ourselves, start forgiving everyone, and start loving everyone. We would no longer be selfish, gossiping would be over, and we would no longer judge one another. The world would become a place where all of us live in love.”

I copied this quote from Facebook on Friday. I think it was from Don Miguel Ruiz. (Usually, I put the author of the quote and I missed it this time. My apologies to Don Miguel!)

When I opened my computer this morning to write a little about the Golden Globes, I saw it and it is a fitting opening to my blog for today. The quote talks about a place where LOVE reigns and where people forgive and live in truth.

Well, such was NOT the case last night at the Golden Globe Awards. Steve and I watched in horror as one after another of Ricky Gervais’ jokes sprayed the audience with a vile and mean-spirited type of humor. Last year, I remember laughing hysterically at some of his jokes, wincing at some and having a good time with the show. We LOVE movies and we see one movie a week, whether it’s at our local multi-plex or downtown Dallas at the Angelika or Magnolia. We REALLY love movies, mostly the independent films. Therefore, we enjoy the Golden Globes, because they tend to honor the small films that stand out in a world of 3D blockbusters and action films.

What I witnessed last night was totally over the line of good taste, decency and honor. Ricky blasted person after person, many times just before the person took the stage. Several times, I turned to Steve and asked, “Do you think that was scripted or was it an ad lib?”

Many comments were partially blanked out. The audio was just gone! Blank space where an expletive was said. When Ricky left the show at the half way mark and didn’t return for over an hour, we wondered if he had been fired. Some bloggers pointed out that many times, the host isn’t seen that much in the last half of the show. He did return and the tone seemed to have shifted a bit.

I guess he just seemed angry to me. Why else would someone IN the film and TV industry blast such mean-spirited and outright hostile comments at peers? He even made a very crude joke about the President of the HFPA.

In my family, teasing was not only tolerated, but often taken to a high form. I have been called many nicknames throughout my life, none of which are flattering or kind. When I questioned my Mom once, she just said they were “teasing.” And that it was “all in fun.”

One of the actors from The Social Club, Andrew Garfield said, 'He's been terribly nasty and horribly rude and I think he's genius.' Is this what our world has come to?

Robert Downy Jr. (one of my favorite actors) really summed it up ““Aside from the fact that it’s been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister undertones, I’d say the vibe of the show has been pretty good so far, wouldn’t you?”

I guess that brings me back to Love . . . I want to live in a world that knows that truth, forgiveness and love can heal the world.

How Do You Know - Fun Movie with a Message

Steve and I saw "How Do You Know" last night. I am such a lucky girl, with a husband who loves ALL KINDS of movies. This one was really fun and packed with messages around every corner. It's all about asking "how do you know" about a certain girl or guy, what to do in certain situations (like when you are about to be indicted by the Fed. Gov) and about some people's motives in life.

My favorite line was when Lisa (Reese Witherspoon) goes to see a psychiatrist and she asks if there is just something "general" he can tell her to help her. He says this:

"You need to figure out what it is you want and learn how to ask for it."

(The psychiatrist was played by Tony Shalhoub, who also plays Monk on the TV show of the same name. Kind of a twist to allow Tony to play the psychiatrist and very fun!)

Although this is a "rom com" (romantic comedy - learned that term from Carrie Fisher and her one-woman show the other night) this is a very heavy line . . . so, let me repeat it . . .

"You need to figure out what it is you want and learn how to ask for it."

This is what I've been struggling with MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!

A lot of us have baggage that prevents us from even KNOWING what we really want. Once you get clear on that, we have to work on the courage to ask for it!

Courage is a funny word. I think I always thought it meant being fearless. But, I've come to know that there really is no such thing as "fear-less." Fear is always going to come up, especially when we are encountering our "stuff" that needs to be cleared. The question is usually, "do I trust enough to let this stuff go and move on to a higher level of living?"

How do you know when it's OK to just let go?

My Best Birthday Gift . . . EVER!

Yesterday, I received a birthday card from my Mother. Now, this isn’t really unusual, because my Mother ALWAYS sends me a card, but this time, it is really special.

Ten years ago, after a nasty break-up with a man with whom I’d had a 3 year relationship and who I really thought I would marry, I changed my name. I decided that I wanted to be called by my initials, rather than my name. Shortly thereafter, I changed companies, as well, so just kind of “started over” with a clean sweep, new name, new me!

My family did NOT agree to calling me by my new name. At first, I thought it was because I hadn’t asked. So, I asked. Then, I decided it was because I didn’t explain. So I explained. Over the next 10 years, only one of them acquiesced and that was my Dad.

Most recently, I made ANOTHER plea, this time to EVERYONE and in WRITING. One sister wrote back and flatly refused. She said she wasn’t going to call me something that only one Uncle and my Ex-husband had called me. A brother-in-law (not her husband) wrote and said that “we don’t know who PJ is” and insinuated that “they” wouldn’t be calling me PJ anytime soon.

I talked to my husband about it: Isn’t this ridiculous? The only thing I have ever asked of my family and they won’t agree!

(I’d like to point out that my daughters jumped on board with this Day 1 and one of them routinely calls me PJ instead of Mom! Steve met me as PJ, so he never had a chance to call me anything else!)

And, then I got my birthday card from my mother! Inside was the most beautiful butterfly card, in shades of blue and purple with metallic, sparkling accents. Along with the traditional check for both birthday and Christmas (my birthday is only 4 weeks from Christmas) was a typed sheet of paper with a list of 11 names of various family members. Each one had changed his or her name, one doing so at age 50 and legally changing it in front of a judge.

Now I knew about each of these stories, but I had never thought to use this information as substantiation for my own request. At the bottom of the sheet, she said simply, “So, if you want PJ for a name, then go for it. I may not always remember, but I will try.”

I was jazzed, surprised and elated! WOW! She finally heard me! (You have NO idea how BIG this is for my Mom.)

And then, on the way in this morning, I had this thought: something in me has shifted and changed to allow this great gift.

If our outside world reflects what is on the inside, then I have really shifted something. So, what’s next?

Gratitude doesn't even begin to describe what I am feeling!

Diana, Princess of Wales - Her Ring Takes on a New Life

Well, with all of the talk around Prince William and Kate, I am reminded of my facination with her ring. In 1981, I was coming to the end of a really bad marriage. We really lived totally separate lives and I was very unhappy. We tried counseling. I tried talking. I tried being flexible. I even tried comprising . . . a lot! In the end, he wouldn't change and I had to move on. In Jan 1982, I asked for a divorce and in February, I fell in love with Husband #2 on a trip to Mardi Gras. (Doesn't that only happen in the movies?)

So, for those friends and family members who propigated the story that I had an affair with someone from work and then divorced my husband, here's a message for you: Not True!

Anywho, we met, fell in love, decided to buy a condo together and then he proposed in the summer of 1982. He gave me a beautiful, small ring, a kind of "promise" ring, he said, although he knew we were a little old for that tradition! (Both of us were 27 at the time)

We then went to jewelry stores and looked for the perfect ring! I was especially excited because I got to pick it out myself. In my prior engagement, I had been given a family diamond (it was beautiful, truly) but I was taken to one of those discount, catalog stores and shown a few mountings and allowed to select one. I never truly felt it was "my" ring.

So, this time, it was going to be mine. Initially, I dreamed of a sapphire and diamond ring, just like Princess Di. Now, I knew that I would never HAVE a ring like hers, since Charles paid $65,000 for her ring at the time. (It would be worth about $150,000 today!) However, I
was excited about the idea of something similar.

That is, until I saw one on the finger of a woman I worked with. Somehow, when I saw the ring on another woman's finger, I realized that I really didn't want that ring at all. It was only then that I was able to go and select a ring that was truly mine. What a blessing that I was able to see the ring and all it represented to me in that way.

So, thank you, Lady Di, for providing contrast for me, back when I didn't even know what contrast was.

And congratulations to William and Kate!

Becoming Me, With My Shadow and All of My Imperfections

‎"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." -Anna Quindlen

This quote speaks to me on a level that is so true, so wonderful and so liberating! When I saw it this morning, I just knew I had to blog about it!

I used to love that Hershey’s Kiss commercial where the little boy gets a Kiss in his lunch and says, “When my Mom says ‘nobody’s perfect,’ she could be talking about my brother!”

Nobody IS perfect, but that doesn’t stop parents, teachers and church folks from pretending that it’s possible and then holding all of us (except themselves) to this standard.

So, today, I’m going to give myself permission to BE myself. I’m working a lot these days with my Shadow self. It started a few years ago when someone mentioned Jung and his concept of Archetypes. I read the books by Caroline Myss and bought her Archetype cards.

Then, in February of this year, I heard a woman speak about “the Shadow” and how relationships bring out our shadows. I invited her to hold a workshop on Astrology and The Shadow Dance in June. Then, in September, I invited my friend Dr. Margaret Clench to teach a 6 week workshop on Archetypes.

Recently, I was cleaning out my guest room and found a bunch of old files, including some sheets from Byron Katie on “The Work.” She invites us to look at our conflicts and use a journal sheet to record each conflict, a little about the person with whom you are in conflict, what you would like instead, etc. Then, she has this amazing technique that she calls “The Turnaround.” You take the very thing that you are accusing the other person of doing and invites you to look at how the person might do the opposite and how you might be doing that very thing to the other person! And, if that isn’t enough, she asks you to reflect on how you might be doing this same thing to YOURSELF!

Well, it is just incredible! I had been introduced to Byron Katie quite a few years ago and even downloaded the free worksheets from her site. However, “when the student is ready . . .” I guess this week, IAM READY.

I did the process on a conflict with one of my brothers-in-law and my little sister. WOW! It is so liberating!

This morning, I was running out the door and went back to say something to Steve. He said, “Baby, I’m trying to get ready here and you keep interrupting me!” Well, I fumed to the car and thought to myself, “He doesn’t have time for me!” Then, as soon as it came in, I thought of “The Work” and did my turnaround:

Steve doesn’t have time for me.
Steve DOES have time for me.
I don’t have time for Steve.
I don’t have time for myself.

WOW! What an insight! I’ll be working on this for the rest of today!