Many people confuse forgiveness with condoning the behavior of the person or persons you may want to forgive. However, in the strictest sense of the word, forgiveness means:
Noun
1. the act of forgiving or the state of being forgiven
2. willingness to forgive
So, what does the word “forgive” really mean:
Verb (used with object), forgave, forgiven, forgiving.
1.to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2.to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3.to grant pardon to (a person).
4.to cease to feel resentment against:
to forgive one's enemies.
5.to cancel an indebtedness or liability of:
to forgive the interest owed on a loan.
verb (used without object), forgave, forgiven, forgiving.
to pardon an offense or an offender.
I find it interesting that the dictionary meaning includes the idea of “willingness” to forgive. Isn’t that what true forgiveness is all about? Being willing to forgive or pardon or stop feeling resentment toward another person is at the core of forgiveness. This doesn’t mean that I condone the act, yet, I am allowing myself to pardon the person for the act or omission.
So many people fail to forgive because they don’t want to “let the other person off the hook.” However, true forgiveness is for the person doing the forgiving. True forgiveness clears the debt from your own heart and can also be very freeing.
When we fail to forgive, it’s as if we hold a grudge against the other person. That only clouds my heart and limits my own personal freedom. You don’t even have to tell the other person that you forgive him or her. However, until you forgive, it’s hard to let go and move on. So, unless you forgive the other person, you may allow the other person to stay under your skin, to continue to hurt you, again and again. This can also hinder your own personal healing.
Caroline Myss says that when we forgive others, it releases energy that allows you to move forward. It really is as simple as:
1. Think of the person who hurt you
2. Picture the person in your mind
3. Express how you felt when the person did what they did
4. Let out any emotions around this situation
5. Forgive the person in your heart
6. Let it go
Caroline goes on to say that forgiveness is the most selfish thing you will ever do! It’s a great way to say “I love me” because forgiveness leaves you feeling so much better.
"When we harbor negative emotions toward others or toward ourselves, or when we intentionally create pain for others, we poison our own physical and spiritual systems. By far the strongest poison to the human spirit is the inability to forgive oneself or another person. It disables a person's emotional resources. The challenge is to refine our capacity to love others as well as ourselves and to develop the power of forgiveness."-- Caroline Myss
I particularly like Caroline’s simple forgiveness model which is shared above. In private sessions with clients, I use hypnosis to help you envision each person, one by one and go through the forgiveness steps. In the end, we also cut the cords that bind you to the person. It is very healing and therapeutic.
Colin Tipping has a worksheet in his Radical Forgiveness program that works really well for forgiving others. He takes you through the steps to see how this situation may have been set up by your Higher Self or Soul to foster healing, growth and transformation.
You may access the FREE worksheet here:
http://www.radicalforgiveness.com/free-tools/
Who do you want to forgive this holiday season? When would you like to begin?
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