Forgiveness . . . Self-Forgiveness . . . Why Bother?

Forgiveness is such a huge concept, isn’t it? You have forgiveness that involves others and self-forgiveness.

When we were children, we were taught to pray “God, help me forgive ____.” But, I realize that sometimes, I want to hold on to the grudge. Maybe I have been hurt OR someone I love has been hurt and I feel that this is wrong. And then, I think of the old adage: “Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you condone the action.” Remembering this helps me to begin to forgive.

One of my friends said this on Facebook recently:
Remembering that forgiveness is a process and freeing myself from the expectation of “once and done” has really helped. Have you ever “re-injured” yourself by getting mad at yourself because you haven’t been successful at forgiveness? Sometimes it takes a long time.

Time and space are the two most important gifts to give myself on the road to forgiveness. How many times have you waited a few days and then, you just feel better? Especially when another person you are close to or work with is involved, those few days can really help with healing.

Another friend said:
Forgiveness is an ongoing process and sometimes, I experience that I’m beyond the process and that forgiveness has simply “occurred.”

I call this occurrence a “download.” Something has happened and I am changed, but I have no intellectual awareness of the process that took place. This is what some people also call a miracle!

Self-Forgiveness

Self-forgiveness is another matter. (Why am I so hard on myself?) Have you ever forgiven yourself and then dredged it back up and “unforgiven” yourself? I’ve done it. Maybe I think I didn’t do enough penance. Maybe I think I have a few more steps to go.

One friend says:
I ask myself: “Is this the worst thing I have ever done?” If the answer is “No,” which it usually is, I encourage myself to accept it with a huge dose of compassion.

I’ve been healing myself with Ho’oponopono more and more, and I find that after a few minutes of the cleaning process, I’m in a better place. I think that Ho’oponopono combines all of the aspects of forgiveness (and self-forgiveness) into one practice. Especially when I am the one who has been hurt or offended, I may use the practice and feel a softening inside.

The basic steps of Ho’oponopono are to repeat these phrases:
I love you
Please forgive me
I am sorry
Thank you

You can repeat the phrases up to 10 or 20 times per sitting and do the practice several times a day. If the forgiveness involves another person, you can have the person in mind, as you say the phrases.

Dr. Len, the man who brought Ho’oponopono out of Hawaii and into the rest of the world explains it this way:

“I heal the inside of me to see changes in my external world. When I feel love inside of me, outside reflections start showing up. When I take good care of me, others reflect this love and care. When I forgive myself and exercise good self-care, the world begins to respond to me in like manner.”

If you want to read his story, click here: http://www.laughteronlineuniversity.com/practice-hooponopono-four-simple-steps/

He used Ho’oponopono and healed inmates at a psychiatric hospital and never met with a single patient! Finally, the hospital was closed, because there were no more patients. He goes on to say:

The Ho’oponopono cleaning process allows direct contact with the divine wisdom, love and inspiration already within each of us. It is achieved when memories replaying as thoughts, fears, and judgments are transmuted to ZERO by Love. It is a state of being which enables us to lead inspired lives.
Much of today’s stress is a result of memories replaying the past and displacing Love. “Cleaning” can restore us to Love, to Zero.

We can transform ourselves, our homes, our communities and our world into one of peace and Divine inspiration. It begins with doing the cleaning process, knowing that everything we see outside of us can be cleaned inside. It is the first step in being instruments of Love. The first step in learning how to BE “Cleaning in Action” and to become “Love in Action.” It is how to be 100% responsible. It is the “fast track” to Zero.


So, by repeating the Ho’oponopono phrases, you can transform yourself.

This is exactly what Dr. Hew Len did to invite divine transformation, not only for his life, but for the lives of the patients at Hawaiian mental hospital.

Author and spiritual teacher Carolyn Myss says:

By far the strongest poison to the human spirit is the inability to forgive oneself or another person. Forgiveness is no longer an option but a necessity for healing. Nothing empowers our ability to heal as much as our love and forgiveness.

Is there a better reason to forgive?